Sheryl's Last Stand Read online

  Sheryl’s Last Stand

  Book I in the Bellydancing and Beyond Series

  Kerrie Noor

  Formerly Published as Nerferititi’s Prodigy

  Just Thought

  When one door closes another opens, so the saying goes.

  When one door closes another slams in your face, so the joke goes.

  For Sheryl, however ‘that door’ was always for someone else.

  Until she met Nefertiti

  Chapter One

  Sheryl watched the droopy lids of his eyes fill with water, and pulled out a tissue.

  ‘You’ve got some arse on you!’ he said, dismissing the tissue. ‘You are like a ewe at tupping time.’ He moved behind her and pressed his fingers into the small of her back. ‘There’s plenty of meat on you girl.’

  Mr. Rugby was the only person who called her ‘girl’, and he was the only man whose fingers came near her body. She watched as he fumbled his way into the cupboard beneath the stairs and pulled out a bottle of Aberfeldy.

  ‘Your mother has always been a little on the bony side for me,’ he muttered into the dark. ‘I like someone with a bit of meat on them, something to grab hold of. The problem with your mother,’ he continued, ‘is she lives on her nerves. It makes her lean and mean.’

  ‘My mother eats like a horse,’ said Sheryl.

  Mr. Rugby had one final fumble with the bottle before he stumbled over to Sheryl and handed it to her. She eased it open and placed it on the kitchen table.

  ‘And she don’t know a good thing when she sees it,’ he continued, pouring out the whisky.

  Sheryl motioned for him to stop, but he carried on until the glass was full.

  ‘Take that George feller. If you ask me, she isn’t going to get any better offers, not in a wheelchair and certainly not the way she drives it.’ Sheryl said nothing. She looked at her full glass and tried to remember if it was her third or fourth.

  ‘Now, what you need is something smooth,’ he said, staggering off to the stairs again.

  Sheryl threw a shovel of coal on the fire, careful not to look in the direction of the mirror above it. It was the sort of mirror best avoided in daylight, and for the past two hours, she had managed it.

  Mr. Rugby pulled out a bottle of Royal Brackla. ‘The Marilyn Monroe of malts,’ he whispered, and dusted it with his sleeve. ‘Full bodied, curvaceous and well endowed,’ he read off the label, then looked at Sheryl. ‘Whatever happened to peaty?’

  Later on that night, she sat in front of another mirror behind the bar of the Argyll Hotel. Shifty the barman was playing, ‘Islands in the Stream’; and Sheryl was working up to a sway.

  ‘Dolly Parton really hits the spot, don’t she?’ Shifty said with a grin.

  Sheryl smiled and continued to sway until she heard Martin’s voice.

  ‘Sheryl! Thought it was you, I could hear you from the car park!’

  She looked up to see Martin’s reflection in the mirror and standing beside him was the reflection of Imogene. Sheryl smiled a lopsided smile then turned to face her ex.

  ‘Sheryl THIS is Imogene,’ said Martin. ‘Imogene, Sheryl.’

  Sheryl stared at Imogene; she had a body that defied gravity and a face that hadn’t cracked a smile since Christmas. Sheryl took a long draw from her cigarette and stubbed it out. Dolly Parton had finished and so had her good mood. She watched Martin place his hand on Imogene’s stomach and smile a smile she had never seen before.

  ‘I’m going to be a dad,’ he said.

  Sheryl woke up five minutes before the alarm, with the sort of hangover that makes sleep impossible and any lying position worse than the last.

  Ten past seven flashed on her clock.

  ‘Sheryl!’ boomed Beatrice. ‘It’s gone seven.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘What?’

  Sheryl rubbed her temples. ‘I said I know.’

  ‘I can’t hear you,’ Beatrice continued, adding a small cough.

  Sheryl spied a glass half full of flat beer. She gulped it down; hoping it, along with the rest of what was in her stomach would stay still. Sam, the cat of unknown origin, sauntered up the bed.

  ‘Sheryl, you awake?’

  Sheryl looked at the ceiling, wondering where else she could be at seven o’clock in the morning.

  ‘SHERYL?’

  Small snapshots from last night flitted into her mind and she groaned. She let out a huge belch, attempted a stretch and then gave up as her head began to spin.

  Beatrice eased herself upright and began hunting around for the television remote.

  ‘Sheryl, any chance of a cuppa soon?’

  Sheryl rolled onto her back and groaned.

  Beatrice flicked on the television with the remote and rewound last night’s wrestling tape.

  Sheryl eased herself onto the side of the bed, pulled on her tracksuit and then made her way towards the kitchen, the only warm room in the house. Sam sprang off the bed and began charging in and out of her legs like a ferret on speed, as Sheryl expertly walked around it.

  She flipped the kettle on, put bread in the toaster and then sat down with her back against the wall, waiting for her stomach to catch up with the morning’s movement. Nothing mattered, she thought. Nothing but keeping the contents of her stomach down and finding some cat food that didn’t stink of fish.

  * * *

  Beatrice watched the wrestling. Two huge men, dressed in colours only a large muscular man could get away with, circled the ring. They wore Lycra so tight that the only one (in the audience) who couldn’t see what was underneath was a short-sighted woman in the back row, half asleep.

  Beatrice was almost in heaven, if only she had her tea.

  Sheryl shuffled into the bedroom. ‘God, that’s loud!’

  One of the wrestlers grabbed a chair from the commentator’s table and belted it across the back of his opponent. The chair hit the wrestler’s back and he fell on to his stomach with his limbs stretched out like a starfish. The standing wrestler looked around for applause. When none came, he then yelled some abuse at the audience.

  ‘Good night last night?’ said Beatrice, noting her daughter’s pasty complexion

  Sheryl wondered if a cup of tea would be tempting fate. She forced a smile.

  ‘It’s about time you went out,’ said Beatrice. ‘You’ve been moping around far too long.’ She tapped her daughter’s knee, trying to appear positive; not easy with a face as comfortable with disappointment as Beatrice’s.

  ‘It was Rugby’s birthday,’ Sheryl ventured. ‘And he was looking for company!’

  ‘Ah, the malt whisky,’ smirked Beatrice, picking up a piece of toast. She could just picture the bottles lined up in the larder, and Mr. Rugby’s shaky hand pulling down one at a time, tenderly wiping the dust from the labels as he read each one out. ‘I remember his 65th birthday,’ said Beatrice. ‘We almost made it to the Knockando. So you seduced poor ole Rugby into a session, did you? How far did you get? I bet half of them didn’t even taste any different!’

  ‘I seem to remember a particularly pleasant Laphroaig,’ said Sheryl. ‘I even helped him to bed. No, my mistake was to carry on to the pub. That’s where things get blurred.’

  ‘I gather you met HIM then?’

  ‘And how did you ‘gather’ that?’

  ‘You staggered in moaning that song that you constantly played after the split.’

  ‘Shifty’s song,’ muttered Sheryl.

  Beatrice swallowed her toast.

  ‘I thought we had a chance. I thought the split was temporary, then I met….’ She jumped up from the seat and raced to the toilet.

  ‘That’s right, Sheryl, better out than in,’ said Beatrice as she turned up the wrestling tape to drown out the sound
of retching.

  Chapter Two

  Sheryl sat in ‘The Stables Café’ thinking about brandy, raw eggs and other morning-after cures, idly wondering what sort of sick person came up with the idea when she noticed Lindsey, her younger sister, standing by the front door with an ”I’ve got something to tell you, which you are going to hate” look on her face.

  ‘Sheryl’s feeling delicate,’ yelled Beatrice, with a sympathetic face.

  ‘Oh,’ said Lindsey, with the blank look of someone who had never experienced a hangover before. Lindsey was the sort of younger sister no one would want; she had the same metabolism as Beatrice, a rich amiable husband and an easygoing son. Her main problem in life was what to wear to golf, and how to keep her cleaner from leaving. She ordered a hot chocolate with cream and the ‘gooiest’ cake available, and then looked at her sister. ‘So, what you been up to now, then?’

  ‘Feeling a bit rough.’

  ‘Sheryl, I can’t remember a morning when you haven’t felt rough.’

  ‘Or needed a good puke,’ added Beatrice.

  ‘You’ve had more hangovers than Mum’s had carers,’ said Lindsey, ignoring Beatrice’s sour look.

  ‘Ain’t nothin worse than a hangover when your life’s crap,’ said a waitress, appearing from nowhere. She plonked a hot chocolate down.

  ‘Crap?’ said Sheryl, looking at the waitress, who looked like she had nursed a few herself.

  ‘When you’ve got nothing better to do than get pissed.’

  Sheryl eyed the waitress, still young enough to “pull” even in a slightly soiled apron. ‘I did not get p…’

  ‘Hanging around ole Rugby again?’ asked Lindsey.

  ‘I don’t hang around….’

  ‘When there is no one but your mum to commiserate with.’

  ‘Cheers, Mum.’

  ‘When the only way to treat yourself,’ said Beatrice ‘is to get pissed with some old git down the road.’

  ‘I did NOT get pissed ….’

  ‘Mr. Rugby did, by all accounts,’ said the waitress, scratching herself. ‘Frances was just in; she said he was still in bed - stinking of whisky.’

  ‘What’s he playing at, a man his age?’ said Edna from the next table. Edna spent every morning in the café with Mavis, and they had both known Rugby all their lives.

  ‘He didn’t even want his porridge,’ continued the waitress, acknowledging the two women. They nodded in unison.

  ‘What did you do to him?’ laughed Lindsey.

  ‘Not a bloody thing, I told you, I went to the….’

  ‘There’s no need to shout, Sheryl, or for that matter, wear a face like a smacked arse,’ Beatrice added, with a loud voice.

  ‘Frances said…’ the waitress continued.

  ‘You know,’ continued Beatrice. ‘If you just bothered a bit about your appearance, I’m sure you’d feel better.’

  Sheryl wondered if the people across the road could hear her.

  ‘Frances said,’ added the waitress, ‘she was going to sort him out, starting with his so-called “collection”.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Beatrice, remembering why she didn’t like Frances.

  ‘And do you know what the old boy said? The only person touching his “collection” was him, and if he wanted to go to bed wrapped in tin foil, he would.’

  Beatrice remembered why she liked Rugby so much.

  Lindsey nudged her sister. ‘You wanna aspirin or a smoke?’

  ‘He said he would kill any damn bugger who was going to argue with that! And then he told her where to shove her porridge!’

  ‘Aye well, he always did have a good imagination,’ said Mavis.

  ‘That’s Rugby for you,’ muttered Edna.

  The waitress moved on, leaving a whiff of fried chips behind, reminding Sheryl that she was still hungry. She wondered why she put up with the Saturday morning shopping, why she was sitting there taking all this verbal abuse. And when did drinking with an old man become a crime? She thought about fish and chips, a smoke and enough beer to make her clothes tight.

  ‘You heard from Martin lately?’ asked Lindsay.

  ‘Sheryl knows about the baby!’ said Beatrice, still in loud mode. Lindsey, to Beatrice’s mind was deaf; the truth was that Lindsay had no idea how to listen, or even pretend to.

  ‘But did you hear about the wedding?’ asked Lindsey, as she took a gulp of her drink. ‘It’s supposed to be a big ‘DO’!’ she muttered through chocolate lips.

  ‘It’s not that big a do,’ said Beatrice. ‘They’re holding it at the Argyll! That place has Irn-Bru on tap and karaoke on a Friday night. Their idea of a buffet is a plate of chipolatas, cheese and onion dip, and a packet of crisps. ’

  ‘The Argyll’s been taken over,’ said a voice from the other table. ‘They have a new chef, and they don’t do chips after seven, only potato wedges.’

  ‘You knew and you never thought to tell me?’ said Sheryl.

  ‘It’s a rush job,’ yelled the waitress from the back of the cafe. ‘She don’t want to show in her wedding dress.’

  ‘Show?’ Beatrice exclaimed. ‘She’ll be six months gone by then, the only thing she’ll be feeling on her honeymoon will be heartburn and the small sensation of piles.’

  A chuckle ran through the café.

  ‘They’ve asked everyone,’ said Lindsey. ‘Even you.’ She slid an invitation card across the table.

  The card was black with gold writing, some would say arty-farty. Sheryl ran her fingers along the crimped edges, and wondered how long the aspirin would take to work.

  ‘She made it herself… ’ said Lindsey.

  ‘Pretentious crap!’ said Beatrice, taking the card off Sheryl. ‘Mind you, that doesn’t surprise me, Martin always was a prat. I mean any man who has a hyphenated name.’

  ‘SHE MADE IT HERSELF,’ Lindsey continued. ‘Imogene IS a calligrapher.’

  ‘How wonderful,’ said Sheryl. ‘He’s having a baby with someone who writes like a monk.’

  Chapter Three

  Beatrice looked at her cards, leant back in her chair and savoured her dram. George was all that was left, and he looked smug. Beatrice aimed her smile at him. She was as familiar with his weather-beaten face as she was with the moves in wrestling, and she knew what was coming next. Beating George was going to be the highlight of the night, and she intended to enjoy every moment.

  Frances lit another cigarette. Why did she come? Poker was not her game; she preferred whist nights, but as there was only the three of them tonight from the ‘aces high’ card club, she was outvoted. She let out a small trail of smoke and thought about the following day. Beatrice would be in The Stables by lunchtime, crashing her wheelchair through the tables as the school children queued by the take away counter. Her usual ploy was to barge to the front of the queue and insist on paying for her 99p tea and cake offer with the winnings. Frances thought about taking the day off. Watching Beatrice count out coppers with a queue behind her was as painful as listening to her Uncle Rugby after he had spent an afternoon exploring his malt collection.

  ‘Play your hand, George,’ said Beatrice, draining her glass.

  George met her stare.

  ‘I’ll raise you!’ he said, pushing forward a 2p.

  She pushed forward her coin and another, ‘I’ll see you!’

  ‘Where’s Sheryl?’ asked Frances, ‘Upstairs; or still at Rugby’s?’

  ‘She is at her belly dancing class!’ said Beatrice.

  ‘Ballet dancing?’ said George. ‘Isn’t she a bit old for that tutu, dying swan stuff?’

  ‘BELLY DANCING!’ snapped Beatrice. ‘You know, of Arabia!’

  George looked blank.

  ‘Sequins, bras, dance of the seven veils?’

  ‘Belly dancing?’ laughed Frances. ‘I read about that; a dance for fat women. Apparently, they all go over to Egypt and pick up Arabs for sex.’

  ‘How much you had to drink, Frances?’

  ‘It’s true; I saw it in the Record.’
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  Beatrice said nothing; as far as she was concerned, anyone who read The Record like the bible wasn’t worth arguing with. Instead, she turned her attention to George; his immaculate moustache was twitching.

  ‘What you smirking at, then?’

  George smiled, he had vague memories of exotic dancing during the war, and for a moment he was transported back to those days when he looked pretty good in a uniform. ‘Belly dancing, I see, it is a woman’s kind of thing; getting over the break-up, what?’

  Beatrice pushed another coin into the centre. ‘I’ll raise you!’

  Sheryl stood at the back of her class, numbly thinking about Martin and his pulling power. She twirled her hips and followed the elastic flow of her teacher.

  ‘Knees together, Sheryl, this ain't no LAP DANCING class.’

  Sheryl sighed. Nefertiti was a pain in the proverbial. She was a skinny woman, the wrong side of fifty-five, which no amount of black eyeliner and good dentures could disguise. She called herself Nefertiti, others in the class called her ‘Naff-arse-tetity’ or ‘the naff one’.

  When Sheryl had started the classes, the teacher was a sturdy 25-year-old Greek called Ardennes, and Nefertiti (who was simply known as Janice back then) was just another pupil in the front row.

  Ardennes attracted so many members that the class was moved from the small-carpeted playroom in the community centre, to the badminton court. He had a fondness for Lycra, worn tight, with a black sequined scarf tied in a LARGE knot over his groin, making pelvic tilts the high point of the evening.

  He also had a job in the Argyll Hotel.

  ‘Belly dancing is a gift from one free spirit to another,’ Ardennes would whisper into a student’s ear, while placing his hands on her hips. ‘Let the drums unleash them.’

  Janice had waited for him to whisper in her ear and place his hands on her hips. When he didn’t, she stopped eating carbohydrates and got her belly button pierced. And when that didn’t work, she informed Shifty, the barman in The Argyll, about Ardennes and his ‘free gifts’ from one client to another. It was the only time Ardennes was caught performing pelvis tilts with no Lycra.