The Royal Performer Read online

  Lizzie glanced at her–mother; was it not her nap time? She shifted uncomfortably on her feet. She had been caught in her Wonder Woman suit, not only by a man unknown and speaking like something out of corrie but her mother.She felt like a teenage caught snogging in a car; although in truth, Phil always waited until they were in the pantry.

  ‘Us girls,’ said Gran, ‘rarely come into the kitchen except for an orange or a banana. Isn’t that right, Lizzie?’

  Lizzie looked at her mother making her way to the pantry like she did it every day.

  ‘Us girls?’ Lizzie muttered.

  Gran placed some fruit into bags and handed one to her daughter. ‘Is this not what you came here for?’ she said. ‘Some fruit before we do a bit of dressing up and nail polishing - just us girls?’ She looked at Phil. ‘That what we –love, right?’

  Lizzie stared at the bag of fruit and looked at her husband. ‘Nail polish?’ muttered Phil with a dazed look.

  ****

  The Tosser

  Lizzie took Gran to see Jimmie Black. Gran not only, it seemed, had a flair for juggling fruit but a passion for disguises and threw herself into a camouflage with more passion than she showed since her first grand national. Phil was still confused.

  Together they sneaked off to the old folk’s home, slipped in the back door, and handed Jimmie Black his plums.

  ‘Things aren’t what they used to be, Iizzie,’ Jimmie said. ‘My knees are playing up again.’

  ‘Things aren’t what they used to be for me either,’ said Lizzie.

  The palace had been modernised, cameras installed, and when Phillip’s Polaroid broke, he couldn’t find a new one anywhere. He was expected to master a mobile and download—whatever that was. Mind you, with the cameras and the installing of a health and safety team, Lizzie’s ropes had been packed away and, as for fire starting, gas was installed. Each fire place was equipped with flames that came on with a switch. Where was the fun in that?

  There was nothing for him to snap anymore.

  Lizzie and Gran stared about the dreary old folk’s home. They stared at the door as an ole boy shuffled by on a zimmer, moaning about the food.

  ‘Baby food; that’s all it’s bloody good for,’ he muttered.

  Jimmy told him to shut it, tossing an apple at him.

  Gran looked at Lizzie, ‘Any more where that came from?’ she said

  Jimmy handed her a bag and told her to ‘knock herself out.’

  Lizzie, unsure of how that worked, offered a spot of juggling. ‘Our gran been practising,’ she said in her best corrie voice. ‘It’ll take your mind off things.’

  Jimmie moaned about his mind being his own business and was just about to tell the two funny ladies to shove it when Gran, inspired, grabbed his cane and began a quick twirl about her head, followed by a spirited high kick.

  Jimmie stared as the old fella on the zimmer reversed back past the doorway for a look.

  Lizzie cartwheeled out the door, past the Zimmer man, and hurled herself onto a fringed lamp shade.

  ‘Will you look at that,’ he said, standing free for the first time in years.

  Jimmie Black smiled.

  Next week Phil, dressed as a caped crusader, came along with his mobile. Apparently downloads were optional.

  He moved about the home like a pro as Lizzie and Gran swung and juggled like there was no tomorrow. One client, inspired by the possibilities of a hardboiled egg, shouted ‘cop this’, twirled it above her head, and caught it with her arm under her leg.

  Soon others followed as the trio cheered, encouraged, and brought more costumes. Dressing up and tossing things became a regular part of the day for those in the home as Lizzie and her mother reminded them of their past.

  And no one at any time mentioned the health and safety man because as one elderly put it, ‘health and safety in a home only applies to those who are paid.’

  ****

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  About the Author

  Back in the days before TV had remote controls and Scotland was known for the Bay City Rollers, Kerrie left Australia on a working holiday and fell in love with many things Scottish, including a man and Panto.

  After years of performing, Kerrie decided to write some of her experiences down in a series of short stories and plans to write more; along with her Belly Dancing and Beyond series and soon to be published comic sci-fi series.

  If you would like to find out more, please feel free to visit-

  http://kerrienoor.com

  And Finally

  Kerrie Noor is a self-published author who would like to thank and recommend Joanne Penn, Nick Stevenson, and Ben Gallery; all Indie authors who are generous with their support and provide excellent courses for self-publishing Authors.

  Kerrie is also grateful for the support of Peter Urpeth of Emergents.co.uk, and Createthinkdo and also recommends their services.